Hockey for Bernies: NHL Cheat Sheet

More than a few people, but mostly my lovely roommate, have pointed out how depressing and horrible and completely Leafs-centric my blog has become. SO, I will scrap the "Bargaining" post that I painstakingly prepared in time for tonight's game against the Oilers (but seriously: please please please please pleaseeeee win. Please. PLEASE.), and revisit the ol' Cheat Sheet.

(1) Female hockey fans continue to find ways to make me consider a sex change.

I can deal with pink hockey jerseys. Sure, I would never be caught dead in one and I mercilessly judge anyone who wears one, but they have a charitable connotation that makes them tolerable - i.e. I can convince myself that that shrieking girl over there with the hoop earrings and the UGGS is wearing her toddler-sized, belly-baring pink jersey with "Mrs. McBabe" on the back because she actually cares about breast cancer research.

But this. THIS crosses a line:


Courtesy of Senator Fan Steve, who is always looking for creative
ways to make me off myself.

Ladies. Help a sister out here, would you?

(2) The Edmonton Oilers recently drafted Ken Wu

Ken Wu, for those who didn't watch The Mighty Ducks 74 times, was the figure skating phenom who was drafted to the Mighty Ducks in D2, and dubbed "little bash brother" by Fulton and Portman (yup, 74 times is likely a generous underestimate). Clearly, Linus Omark is also a fan:  



This was Omark's first shootout attempt, and as a result, it has sparked a number of NHLers to comment on the appropriateness of a rookie attempting such a flashy move.

I fail to see what the big deal is. Everyone is reacting like he attempted a triple sow cow off of a tightrope and then bounced the puck off his nose like a seal before sliding it in the top corner of an impossibly covered net. Erroneous. He did a pre-mature spin-o-rama before slapping it into a woefully open five-hole. Who cares?! He got an otherwise uninspired Edmonton crowd to cheer for something, and I think that deserves props rather than admonishment. Moving on ....

(3) Waffles are the new tomatoes

Last week, following Phaneuf's completely unremarkable return to the lineup and yet another horrifying loss to a team I despise, one particularly aggrieved fan threw his waffles onto the ice, almost directly onto the stick of Francois Beauchemin (marking the first time all season that Francois Beauchemin's stick has been a part of anything worth mentioning). Now, the ACC doesn't serve waffles (they also don't provide sippy lids for their largest size of beer - a gross oversight, in my eyes, and the subject of my next strongly worded letter to the MLSE), which means that this fan must have cooked the waffles at home and smuggled them down his pants in in the sole hope of being provided with an opportunity to throw them at the Leafs. This is the kind of moxy that might otherwise be admirable if it made any sense whatsoever. Waffles? ..... Someone explain.