Hockey for Bernies: Battle of Ontario

My lovely roomate and I had a small get together at our house this past weekend. She invited some of her work colleagues, all of whom I had never met before. I was getting along with one of them fabulously, and we were covering all of my favourite topics (in no particular order: dogs, music, cooking, barbecue sauce and hockey). And then he mentioned his love for Daniel Alfredsson. I responded by staring at him agape for 6-9 seconds before not so kindly asking him to leave.

One of my bestfriends is a Sens fan. He's one of my favourite people on the planet, but when it comes to our respective hockey clubs, we are mortal enemies. Last Friday, I took it upon myself to forward him a link to the Eastern Conference standings (at the time, the Leafs were #1 and the Sens were 14th). What ensued was an epic, heated and unnecessarily lengthy battle over email, where I called him a bad friend and an unimaginable drama queen, and he called me incredibly obnoxious and asinine.

I feel like I should explain myself before I am alone forever.

The Battle of Ontario. Despite it's relatively recent inception, it's one of the more heated rivalries in the NHL, and in it's day, it was intense. Like, if someone told me that their marriage ended over Game 5 in 2002, or the sweep in 2001, I wouldn't even feign surprise. In the undergraduate days of using salad dressing as pasta sauce and choking down cans of Old Milwaukee Ice, two friends of mine bought playoff tickets for $400 a pop to see Game 7 in 2004. In a game of "fuck kill marry", I was given the trifecta of Pol Pot, Daniel Alfredsson, and a pile of shit to choose from, and I still killed Alfredsson. It is serious, serious business.

And with that, I give you the Top Ten moments behind the infamous, relationship- ruining, Leafs/Senators rivalry:

#10: McCabe = Ragdoll

While I can now safely disavow myself of the lecherous embarrassment that was Brian McCabe, Zdeno Chara has made it impossible for me to ever completely forget him. I don't want to talk about it, but if you want see the saddest fight in the history of the NHL, please direct your attention below and then never speak of it again.



#9: Bench Brawls

If a Sens fan saw Darcy Tucker on the street, she would probably spit on him. Personally, I LOVE the man, but if he wasn't on my team, I would have hated him too. He was a consummate pest, a bit of a whiner, and a chronic glove dropper. In 2003, in a regular season game, Tucker let three years of consecutive playoff series get the better of him when he literally attacked Chris Neil, who at the time, was sitting on the Senator's bench. Tucker claimed that Neil spit on him, but this was never proven, and I'm fairly certain that it isn't true. Either way, it turned into an epic bench brawl that even saw Leafs' coach Pat Quinn spit his gum out and join the fray.

#8: Playing the Senators - Possible side effects may include blindness

Remember when visors were all of a sudden de rigueur? Thank (blame?) Marian Hossa and his almost career-ending eye gouge of Bryan Berard, causing mothers to pull their children out of little leagues everywhere. (My apologies for the video - To see the actual incident, fast forward to 1:50).

#7: The Leafs in OT


2000 - Game 5 - Overtime - After scoring in the third to send the game into overtime, Stumpy aka Steve Thomas, pots the winner with this beauty.

2001 - Game 1 - Overtime - Mats Sundin, from the point, making no mistake . My favourite part of the video is the ping sound that defeat makes.

2001 - Game 3 - Overtime - CORY CROSS can play hockey when it matters. Once.

2002 - Game 3 - Triple Overtime - Gary Roberts. I miss him every day.

#6: The Title Fights


Tie Domi and Chris Neil (see here), Wade Belak and Chris Neil, Colton Orr and Matt Carkner (as seen here), and while neither of these boys are heavy weights, and this fight was pre-season, it's one of my favourites of the year so far simply because of the way Kovalev turtles and Beauchemin keeps attempting these really awkward undercuts:




#5: The Curse


From 1992-1998, the Leafers were in the Clarence Campbell/Western Conference, and the Senators were in the Prince of Wales/Eastern Conference. During this time, the Sens were never able to beat the Sabres in a playoff series, leading some to declare a Bo-sox esque curse on the Corel Centre. When Toronto joined the East before the 98-99 season, hope sprung eternal for Sens fan everywhere who thought that the change of dynamic would manifest itself in playoff victories. Not so. The Sens and Leafs met in the playoffs for the first time in 2000, and met again every year (save 2003) after that until the lockout. Not once have the Senators beaten the Leafs, despite annihilating them during most of the regular season match-ups. Not even in 2001, when the Senators finished 2nd in the Conference and the Leafs finished 7th (which now, might I add, seems like a total coup). Despite being the considerable underdogs, the Leafs swept the Sens in 4 games.

#4: The Infamous Stick-Throwing Incident

In a 2004 regular season game against the Nashville Predators, Sundin broke his stick on an attempted shot from the point. In thoughtless frustration, Sundin threw the remains of his stick into the crowd, earning him a 1 game suspension. The game that he ended up missing was against the Senators, where, in yet another display of freakish Swedish synchronicity, Alfredsson broke HIS stick on an attempted shot from the point, and mocked throwing it into the stands. Since that time, Alfredsson is booed every single time he touches the puck in the ACC.

Look, even I can admit that this is the stupidest reason ever to so vehemently despise a man, but d'ems da breaks when you're playing a team backed by a fanbase of consummate grudge-holders. I have to admit though, what offended me more than the taunting of one of my favourite captains was the dirty dangles hanging out of Alfie's helmet as he did so.

   #3: The Hit from Behind

2002, second round - Late in Game 5, tied game, Alfredsson hits Darcy Tucker from behind, sending him flying into the boards. Tucker is injured, Alfredsson receives no penalty, and seconds later, Alfie goes on to score the game winner. Adding insult to injury was the fact that while Tucker's hit on Islanders' forward Mike Peca went similarly unpenalized in the first round, he ended up receiving much more condemnation from the NHL, media, and public. All Alfredsson has to deal with is a lifetime of the boo birds. And his hair.

#2: Game 6, 2005

After losing to the Leafs in Game 5 (and putting the Leafs up 3-2 in the series), Alfredsson very publicly (and very infamously) guaranteed that the Senators would go on to win the series. Mike Fisher scored the winner, and Daniel Alfredsson looked not only like an inspiring Captain, but he also looked like he might be right. It was a dark day.

#1: Game 7, 2005

Lalime crumbled. Gary Roberts was a beast. Tie Domi had an assist!

The Leafs ended up beating the Senators 4-1, taking the series, and setting me up for at least a decade of Alfredsson jokes. Which are definitely still funny, Steve.